An Inside Look at the Newly-Found 10th Floor

Dylan Horton04/23/2021April 2021


With the help of researchers from the CIA’s Bureau of Wizardry, we have finally found Brooklyn Technical High School’s 10th floor. Some details of the report have to be redacted so the sdkasdjklasdjlkassdlk god doesn’t appear from the 10th floor’s sdkasdjklasdjllkholesdfgsdfgdsfg., so this is a report on the report. We hope you understand. The 10th floor houses replicas of the most magical items on Earth, including but not limited to:

  • Adjklasjdoajodjqwopdqwodjqopjdopqwjdopqwjdpoqwjdopqwjdopqwjwdopqjdwopqjdpoqjdpoqjdpojqpodwpojdqwpodjqwpodjwpdqpojdqpojdwqpodjqposupermarket couponslkajdlkajsdklajkl
  • askldjlaksjdlkajskldjaklsjdlajsdjoasjdopasjdpoadpoasdpoja ..███████eggs. Enticing list items, so how does one reach them? Well, to conduct the ritual needed to reach the floor, you will need a pair of Air Jordans, three leather-bound books, and a cozy spot in the school’s northeast stairwell. Stand on top of the books while wearing the Jordans. Then, according to Wizardy for dummies: “Slide to thy left and then slide to thy right. Once thy has completed those steps, thy shall move backwards. After hopping once, thou shalt stomp thy left foot and then thy right. Cha cha real smooth.” Upon entering the 10th floor, expect to feel a sense of queasiness and a strengthened desire to sign up for every AP class. The three leather-bound books from the ritual will be taken by your Air Jordans to the giant library on the eastern side of the floor.

In this library, shelves of books reach up to the ceiling and—the weirdest part—there are computers for everyone. Nobody is there, but it’s the thought that counts.

Down the hallway, there is an inverted black pyramid hanging from the roof, said to be a source of fuckfuckfcuksakdasald.. This pyramid looks like the one on the dollar bill, raising the question: is BTHS connected to the Illuminati or New Providence? Since there aren’t computers on the 10th floor, our researchers have not binged it yet. Sad, but we may never know. Beyond the pyramid lies the south side of the 10th floor. Here there is a structure many describe as an escalator to heaven. If you walk up the escalator, you will come face-to-face with Jesus Christ, creator of PupilPath. Jesus will look at your grades. If you have below an 85 in any of your classes, the devil will steal your PC and damn you to the eternal hell of BW6.

If you pass Jesus’s examination, you will receive an “unsuspiciously” ticking package three days after you leave the 10th floor. Our advice? Don't cut the green wire.

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