We’ve all been there, walking around in public when suddenly you realize that your shoelaces are untied. You crouch down on the floor and begin to tie your shoelace. And every time you have to deal with the judgment.

If you tie your shoe crouched on the ground people will judge you and call you a beta for getting so close to the floor. And they’re right. What are you DOING? You want to be an Alpha right? So what are you doing getting so close to the ground, the ground which is below you? You are above the floor and superior to it so don’t stoop down to its level, step on it and remind it you are better than it.

"Well, how can I properly tie my shoes so I can stop being a silly little beta?"🥺 I can hear you asking. Well, I’ll show you. Now here are four ways to tie your shoes like an Alpha. The last two methods require telekinesis, so if you’re interested in using them and don’t know telekinesis, be sure to check out my ten-hour podcast on how to perform telekinesis. Link in bio.

1. Wall Supported

This is the easiest method on the list. You may have used this method to tie your shoes. All you have to do is put your foot on the wall, and tie your shoe while your foot is on the wall. Simple.

2. No Support

This method is slightly more difficult. To do the no-support method you need to hold up the foot with the untied laces and tie them as you balance yourself on one leg. The balance bit is hard to get the hang of, but if you follow the ten-week workout plan on my website, you too can balance on one foot like a pro. 😎

3. Telekinesis (Floor Edition)

This is the easiest of the telekinesis methods of tying your shoe. You will stare down at your untied shoelaces and use the power of your mind to tie them over a 5-hour period.

4.Telekinesis (Ceiling Edition)

This method only works if you are indoors, and it is perfect for showing off at a party. To start off, rapidly move your head up toward the ceiling, and then down toward the floor. After about a minute, you should start to develop a headache. This is completely normal and part of the process. After a while, you should feel yourself falling and your vision going black, but don’t worry—this means your telekinesis powers are moving your body to the ceiling. You should wake up sometime later after this happens, though your shoelaces may or may not be tied.