Yesterday, the police were called to a usually quiet neighborhood in Queens after what has been described as a “cringe murder fail.” The suspect, 29-year-old Jason Edwards, had gotten into heated discourse with his 26-year-old brother Lucas. Due to their differing views, Jason Edwards decided the only way to solve this was to stab his brother. According to Lucas, the two were just having a normal conversation in Jason’s home until they started debating on the true antagonist of the hit 1900s show Tom and Jerry.
After trading insults, things took a turn for the awkward. Jason pulled out a knife and attempted to stab Lucas, yelling “*kills you,*” especially emphasizing the asterisks. Luckily, Lucas, being the alpha male that he is, managed to stop the deadly knife. After this based attack on his brother failed, Jason quickly fled the scene disappearing into the darkness.
Little did he know he was caught down bad in 4K on a nearby security camera, making him one sussy baka. Lucas says this behavior is very uncharacteristic of his brother, saying he’s usually quite the pogpilled chad.
Jason’s tradwife Emily witnessed the fight and is also surprised by her husband’s behavior. “I’ve never seen him like this. I’m so disappointed. He’s usually the malewife to my girlboss, but right now he’s being so cringepilled.” Emily is also the pogmommy to their two children. A neighbor also claimed to witness the fight. “If I was there I would’ve stopped it.” None of our reporters remember asking him. “I’m just built different🥶.” We don’t know how he said the emoji out loud, but he did. Jason has since been apprehended by the police. He continues to defend his actions, saying we should normalize killing toxic people. “It’s not my fault Lucas has bad vibes.”
Jason and his lawyer have requested Lucas’s full birth chart for their defense.