They’re at it again. A very sinister force is overtaking this great nation, and most are unaware of the evil lurking underneath their very noses. This force is widespread – they have membership spanning the globe, and worst of all, they are shielded by the public media. They are the very same people that fooled the general public into watching Caillou. You know who. Children.

Big Child has most of our population wrapped around its fat, stubby finger. When’s the last time you saw somebody stand up and confront a crying child in a café, or worse, on an airplane? The people in charge don't want you to exercise your human right to silence and solitude. No, you're meant to sit down and even LAUGH at any such incident. Laugh? LAUGH?? At this incredulity??? I could be handling classified nuclear information in said coffee shop – what if somebody’s screaming spawn of terror causes me to make a mistake? Bye bye, Beijing!

Ever played a riveting game or sport with somebody, in accordance with our meticulously developed human nature? Not with a child, you haven't! What is the point of playing chess with, say, my younger cousin, if I can't wipe his puny army off the face of the earth and then drag my king across the board while saying “BOW DOWN, PEASANT”? You would think I would get cheers from my family for my conquest, but no. Only stares. Apparently, I was meant to LOSE. Lose? LOSE?? To this pathetic excuse for a leader??? I think not.

The immunity that society gives to these people is sickening. If you try to restore sense and order to our backwards world, Uncle Bob might even step in. Uncle Bob, you are one hell of a helicopter parent. Just the other day, I was buying groceries when two children ran past my shopping cart in quick succession, sending my Cinnamon Toast Crunch flying across the floor. Do I get an apology? No, of course not. Can you guess what society’s reaction is to chasing two children through a crowded store while threatening them? The judge recommended 30 days of JAIL. Jail? JAIL?? For exacting revenge for my beloved Crunch??? Ridiculous.

Society just isn't for people like me and you, the common-sense folk who can see past the veil of the status quo. Our job is a thankless one, but it must be done. I ask you, resist Big Child’s influence. Do not surrender to the mob.