From its papery brown skin to its chewy texture, cardboard is the perfect snack. Whether you’re on the go or just vibing at home, this delectable material is available everywhere. A quick monch can fill you up for a whole month. A feast can fill you up for a lifetime; you won’t have to eat ever again—and you shouldn’t! Not only is cardboard cheaper than “real” food, but it’s also recyclable and vegan. Now you can enjoy eco-friendly foods for a fraction of the cost. Packed with protein, a meatier taste, and less meat, cardboard is a tasty alternative to government-issued “meat.” So eat cardboard today! Not only is it available everywhere, but it’s also vegan and cheap. This Meatless Monday, try eating the lunch tray instead of the so-called “food” the government wants you to eat. On Friday, we raid the Amazon warehouse for that good, cronchy cardboard they’re hoarding.