Around 10% of all people in the world have severe malnutrition. However, you won’t be one of them with this new recipe, created by some of our best scientists at the Radish Science Division! This is, what some might say to be, the greatest fried rice recipe ever.

1. First, we need some rice. We recommend finding wild rice, and then selectively breeding it for a couple thousand years until you get the perfect rice. Be warned: you’ll need to stay awake during all this farming. As they say, an unwatched crop never grows. Your best bet is to stock up on five hour energy. Now, you’ll need money to keep on buying all this five hour energy, so we recommend getting a job. Now, you’ll need experience to get this job, so we recommend getting a job to get experience.
2. Once we get the rice, we’ll need to cook it. We’ll need a pot to cook this in, and we’ll need a wok for later. Set up an iron mine and dig and punch through the stone until you reach iron. Then start a coal mine and do the exact same thing but with coal. Now, we’ll need to combine them into an alloy to make carbon steel! To do this, get your hands really sweaty. And, when we say sweaty, we mean really sweaty. Once the sweat is flowing, just mush together the iron and carbon into a steel pot and wok. Critics might say that permission from the government and a team is required to do this, but just remember the acronym, EEL: Everything (E)is Legal! It doesn’t matter what the government says, just don’t listen to them. If you can’t hear them, are they really there?
3. Next, we’ll need to get some chicken to add egg and meat to our fried rice. Run over to your local farm, we recommend ones in Iowa, the 62nd dimension, and [REDACTED]. Steal a chicken and some eggs, and then to prepare them for the fried rice, [REDACTED]. You can also [REDACTED] or [REDACTED].
4. We’ll need to gather a bunch of vegetables and seasonings to add to this fried rice. Now frankly, there are a lot of vegetables and seasonings to add to fried rice. We here at The Radish don’t think you want to read through all those ingredients. So, here’s the short version:
   • Mmm yummy ingredients ooh yum yum that’s tasty! Mm slurp slurp skin milk.
5. Now, we get to cook! So, we’ll need to- Oh no. The cops are here. They’re saying something about some unauthorized mines? What happened to EEL? Oh my god, they’ve taken Johnny! I need to leave! I need t-