The following article is a recording of real world events. All details have been taken from the perspective of a BTHS student, graduating 2023, who has asked to remain anonymous. They have agreed to detail their experiences to the Radish. [MUFFLED] Do I just speak into this microphone? Really close? Oh, but keep the mask on right. Yeah, yeah, I gotchu. So, basically, over the summer I signed up for this really weird program. The school promised they’d give me a brand-new schedule like no student has ever had before. So, of course, I thought, “Hey, a four-to-five schedule has never been done before. I could totally do that. There's has to be a first time for everything.”

Nowhere along the line did I expect to get a full schedule- no, I’m not kidding, classes all periods. I am “learning” straight through periods 1 to 10. Of course, the hours are not even the worst part. These are all new classes! How am I even supposed to get study guides for these? Yeah, have you ever tried to bake muffins and also build a shelf to get out of quicksand at the same time? Well, HomeEcShop taught us that’s something all adults need to learn. I can't say they're wrong, though; I haven't been an adult before. I was told that colleges would like it more if I took hard AP classes, so I went and saw what people told me to be the hardest AP class: AP AP. I'm truly not sure as to what the whole curriculum is about. I read the syllabus and it felt like a jumble of words to me. I took a practice exam to see if I’d get anything and I felt like I was bubbling in my random choices in a tiny hut in a desert. Genuinely, taking the test made me feel a little delirious.  My teacher says I'm on the path to getting a 5, though, and that’s all that really matters. On a completely different note, Drag Race gym was a new addition to the curriculum, since New York City has such an expansive drag scene. Maybe the only semi-decent class. Taking this class has given me such a genuine appreciation for the art, especially after we had to run half a mile in full makeup and heels. Serving absolute beat and giving a sharp read are not easy things to do though. Becoming Prissa Teen is a straight vibe, but if you wanna work the stage, you gotta work hard first. I only wish the tests weren’t graded so harshly and I wasn't so out of breath running to my next class after Lip Sync Battle days. Alright, so now imagine Org Chem but without the Org or the Chem. That’s what Carbon Studies is. We’ve been studying graphite for the past month and I wish I knew less about it. Did you know graphite was once called plumbago? Have you heard that graphite is anisotropic thermally and acoustically? Did you ever learn th-

Could we move on?

Excuse me? Our readers don’t want to hear about this, so it’s best we move on. So I spent months learning about carbon, and you’re just going to silence me like thi- click. AP Lunch is honestly way too difficult. I can never find anyone to sit with, and it always feels like the cafeteria is empty every time I’m there. I just feel like I’m alone in my own little bubble. 0/5 experience. I really wanted to take AP Gaming. They told me that it would be a new course. Instead? They put me into AP Computer Science. I will assume that I'm going to learn how to make video games here since it's my replacement. So far the teacher has just been spitting gibberish at me and I'm pretty sure I'm four units behind. Every other kid I ask is telling me that I'm taking the wrong course, but AP Computer Science appears on other kids’ schedules. I'm pretty sure this is the right course. Now, is it weird that no one shares the same teacher as me? Maybe. But, hey, look, I did sign up for the experimental schedule. BTHS might have just given me an experimental teacher. AP Free Period has to be one of the most disappointing classes I’ve ever had. I thought I was going to be able to just sleep the whole time, but it turns out that we have to either study or stare at the teacher for the entire period. They take points off for improper eye contact with the teacher, too. Honestly, I'm surprised I'm even passing this class. It seems almost impossible to stay awake. The whole time the teacher plays ASMR in the background with gentle dings from a… small Tibetan Bell… I'm getting tired… just talkin’ about… it… 

I was able to take Counting as my chosen math class to get the required credits. It’s incredibly boring and monotonous, however. We’re only on number 27. I’m really just counting my days until I get out of this painful class—though I’m fairly sure it’ll be more than 27 days, so I’m not really sure how to do that.

If I were to give you the most applicable class to my life in my entire schedule, it would be AP Existential Crisis. This schedule doesn’t make anything feel real anymore. Everyday in school feels like the most boring nightmare to be in. Each day feels two days long. I can’t tell if this interview is even real anymore, or if I’ve just been speaking into a brick.

Are you happy now? Is this what the Radish wanted? This stupid club just uses my own traumatic experiences as content for their articles, and I- click.