I’m So Famous I’m on a Lunchbox

Lawer Nyako05/09/2022May 2022


Braillyn Sonsmithson is a 26-year-old social media manager, publicist, model, YouTuber, actor, and more. (Some would call him an influencer but he got angry when we didn't say everything he really does.) This former Brooklyn Tech student and Brooklyn native skyrocketed to popularity with his generic good looks and whimsical-yet-grounded personality. However, in this new exclusive interview, Braillyn says that he has only recently reached his greatest goal in life: getting on a lunchbox. He said, “Every sub-goal I reach, every follower I get, while I appreciate it, I honestly feel nothing. Each goal is just a means to an end. Every person who engages with my content is just one more person I can use to reach my real goal for life.” Braillyn, under the username Branno (previously xXExtremeyCoolXx), has recently reached 8.67563782 million subscribers on YouTube, 7975 thousand followers on Instagram, and over 6 followers on Twitter (unclear how many are bots). Thanks to his great fame, Braillyn has had multiple movie studios approach him, but he has turned nearly all of them down.

“In all of my contracts,” according to Braillyn, “I request no money directly from the studio and no box office or DVD profits. However, I always ask my character to have my face and for this character to be on the lunchbox merchandise that must be released alongside the film. I would also like to directly receive all profits the lunchboxes bring in, although this clause is slightly negotiable.” It has taken many years for Braillyn to find a movie studio that will give into such a specific contract, but it has recently been announced he will be starring as main love interest #6 in The Shippening from BreakHert Studios—and Braillyn couldn’t be more excited.

“I can’t give any spoilers on the film, but one thing I can tell you is that there will be a lot of merch coming out for this movie,” Braillyn said, shaking in his chair. “But, one thing I can tell you is that all the lip syncs, challenge videos, and collabs with now-cancelled creators were all worth it. My character will be on a lunchbox. I, Braillyn Sonsmithson, will be ON A LUNCHBOX!” Update from 6 months in the future: While The Shippening was a commercial failure, Braillyn has made millions of dollars due to his fans buying so many of the lunchboxes. Due to his contract, BreakHert Studios has made no money due to the lunchboxes, and with multiple box office flops, the studio has now gone bankrupt. Braillyn has yet to be sued.

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