Ilana Rahim Braden ∙ 03/01/2022 ∙ February 2022
Say goodbye to broken chairs and rows. With the mezzanine closed, it’s finally getting the serious overhaul it needed. With upgrades galore, we are exuberant to see Brooklyn Tech listening to our complaints at long last.
By far, the most popular request was to remove the stairs. Well, now all the mezzanine’s stairs are being replaced with a slanted autowalk. Take that, Stuyvesant’s escalators.
The biggest problem was that often the beloved mezzanine often ran out of space; it’s just so popular. To help accommodate for this massive demand, the library and cafeteria have arranged crossovers with the mezzanine! Readers, tutors and homework-doers alike will now receive a free live audience with every free period.
Now, I sure bet you’ve been tired of wanting to go to the auditorium but being assigned to a different area. I know I have been. Well, we will be getting a little square of the mezz designated for those assigned to a different area. It’s like segregation but good. The chairs of the mezz will also be upgraded. With this fresh update, chairs are now being arranged in columns rather than rows. The chairs themselves will also now all be made of biodegradable plastic, and there are no longer cushions or “sentimental plaques.”
And, just for fun: random chairs have been equipped haphazardly with cupholders and/or unfoldable tables. What a fun surprise finding those will be!
We all know that the balconies are a bit restrictive, so out with the old and in with the new! Instead of balconies, we have spikes made with real oxidized iron! It’s so rusty! Please be sure to keep your tetanus shots up to date if you’re planning on visiting the mezz^2’s balconies, though. This just in: a slightly out-of-tune pipe organ is also being installed on the third floor! Hope you’re all ready for my funky funeral tunes during your next test. I can’t wait to go back to the Mezz.