Jonathan Jiang ∙ 05/27/2021 ∙ May 2021
Here at Brooklyn Tech we all know some majors are superior to others. Everyone has their own opinions on this matter—and while some may be objectively questionable—what better way to put the inferior majors in their place than an oppressive 3,000 year old system! Introducing: the caste system. Travelling from the Eastern hemisphere all the way to New York, the caste brings something refreshingly new to the table. Through this system, we have selectively divided all 18 school majors into 4 main castes, each of which determines your rights and privileges as a student.
At the top of the system are Tech’s best and most elusive majors, which we can not name for fear of death threats. Students in this category get to step on anyone below them metaphorically and physically. They have achieved nirvana through their misery and hard work, but mostly hard work. They are allowed to do anything from skipping English to getting priority when boarding the school’s elevators. They are the authority and the unordinary. Other bonuses include: Play/nap time, one personalized and complimentary field trip during their time in their major, and the chance to throw leftover lunches at anyone whenever and wherever, excluding teachers and faculty. Note: Although those in the top tiers get the easiest and least amount of exams, that does not mean they can stop taking them altogether. All students, regardless of ranking, must take the minimum amount of exams to pass high school. Next, we have the second tier of majors. Being in this tier does not guarantee the same heavenly rights as those in the first tier, but fear not, for there’s still a piece of the pie for you. Although skipping English is no longer an option, students are still provided with the chance to hurl leftover lunch food at anyone below their level, and receive a pass to selectively ruin any person’s day by any means possible (as long as they’re not in the top tier). Other bonuses include: a 5th grade-esque field trip to Governors Island every year, free lunch money (restrictions apply), and the chance to brand one person of their choice a potentially derogatory term for a single school year, with consent.
The third tier is ordinary. Neither benefits nor punishments are given to those in the third tier. While you may be the subject of ridicule by those above you, be grateful that your superiors have even thought of you. Other than academics, students in this tier have only two objectives: Clean up after their superiors and praise them when the time is right. Now time for the fourth and final tier; The lowest of the low. If you identify with this tier, look on the bright side. You can only go up from here.
For those feeling discouraged while reading this, do not despair! There are always chances to rise up in ranking! In addition to the caste system, there is also a tribute system. Every day at 12 p.m., just before lunch, you can line up to offer lunch money to the elites. This will increase your merit and bring you many incredibly tangible benefits. Keep in mind that this only works if you convince two of your friends to join this tribute system. You get +1 merit point per friend invited! The more the merrier :)