Are you an aspiring British person from the 1830s?  Do you love taking land and being a complete plague on society? Do you want to make people pay 1000s of dollars for walls thinner than Papa John’s pizza? You could be a great landlord! What kinds of landlords are there? Well, there are the ones who fix everything (including their marriage) with wd-40 and duct tape. The ones who are incapable of not only making it up the stairs to your bathroom but also can’t count high enough to find your apartment. And there are the ones who are nice enough to make you buy the sealant to fix the walls that they broke “fixing” your sink. Unfortunately, as a landlord, you’ll come in contact with lots of people, many with lots of opinions of how much sealant it takes to fill the hole their (idiot) child made or on how YOU should fix the gas to the stove that THEIR (still idiot) child drowned in water. Then after fixing this problem (possibly through illegal methods we don’t judge), you get to decide how to enact your revenge through the power of the pocketbook. Choosing (1) how much you want to increase the mean price of NYC rent even higher than it already is and (2) how many times a year you want to find a new group of tenants to torture help. Do you wanna know what kind of landlord you’ll be? Then take this quiz to find out! (and give us ad revenue so we can continue to appease our landlords, some get so angry when you say you’re keeping radishes for some reason.)

1. Do you enjoy making money by having people live in your house? A. Yes! (+1) B. Yes!! (+3) C. No! (-1) D. Eh, only on Tuesdays. (+1/7)
2. Has there ever been a time when you’ve liked making money very easily? A. Yes! (+1) B. No! (-2) C. I don’t care about money. I am an upstanding citizen of society and don’t believe in material gains because they promote toxicity and flexing, which is a very bad part of society.  (-42) D. If it’s easy money I’ll do it; it’s easy and funny. (+7.77)
3. Do you believe in being a good samaritan and being nice? A. What’s a samaritan? (+40) B. What’s being nice? (+60) C. Yes! (+10) D. I’m so nice I broke your toilet just so I can fix it. (+80)
4. Was there ever a time when you took someone in and made them pay rent?  How did you feel about that experience? A. Yes and I have to say I should’ve just kicked them out after they got a job. (+2) B. Better: I let them live in my spare house for free—until I watched that one episode of Spongebob and it made me realize I was being taken advantage of.  I then promptly made him get a job and find that dime for me. (+2.01) C. No, I like being alone. (-5) D. Wasn’t the point of this quiz supposed to tell me what kind of landlord I am? (-15)
5. I ran out of ideas so this is a freebie, do you like taking care of people? A. Yes! (+2) B. HAHAHAHAHA oh you’re serious… (+2) C. I took care of people before, they’re six feet under now :)  (+2) D. I pay off Warren Buffet’s mortgage, that’s how giving I am (+2)
6. Can you fix things like Bob the Builder? A. I can fix it! (+25) B. Nope, too lazy. (+25) C. Duct tape and WD-40 works like magic, right? (+50) D. Is Bob some type of tool? (+0)
7. Can you fix household appliances like a toilet? A. Yes!  I know how to be a handyman! (+20) B. This sounds like the previous question (-15) C. No I just flood the apartment with water and sewage (+10) D. I don’t know (+2) Wow, you were able to finish this quiz! Now add up all your point totals to find out what kind of landlord you are. 124.7 or higher: You make the perfect landlord! Go find some contracts to sign and some plungers to toilet (or is it toilet to plunger)! Between 33 and 127.7: You may not make that good of a landlord yet. Why don’t you try out being a seacount instead? Less than 33: Why did you do this quiz in the first place? Go grab a working belt and be an accountant or something.