Tech's New, Dysfunctional Extracurricular (ft. TopCasino)

Ramon Li01/28/2022January 2022

#Guest interview


It’s that special time of the year again, that special time when Tech students scramble to get extracurriculars onto their transcripts. Unfortunately, after meeting with my guidance counselor and learning that writing for The Radish didn't have the persuasive power with the Harvard admissions committee that I thought it would, I have found myself among these desperate children. While many have stuck with traditional activities, like spying for the secret police known as the CTC or paying Key Club, others have stumbled upon an exciting new activity: making dysfunctional websites for dysfunctional organizations! Not only will you get paid (hopefully), but you can also learn how to do the-bugging and uphold Broken Tech’s namesake.

To help me feel better after being rejected by the institution of college, my gracious, wonderful, kindhearted editor assigned me the prestigious job of interviewing the people of TopCasino, a site exemplifying creative risk-taking by challenging our definition of functional. Despite being one of the earliest dysfunctional websites created this month, it has aged surprisingly well. Sure the site may look sketchy to the uninitiated, and, sure, most of its links are blocked by my firewall, but it's the thought and hour of work poured into this site that counts.

Take it from Ermine, official unofficial designer at TopCasino. “It’s fun. I can collect all the phone numbers I want,” she explained. But why ask every user for their phone number upon registration? “It’s simple. How else am I going to collect them?” she smiled. With such passion and drive, she is definitely going places (and onto certain lists), all thanks to this site.

Fortunately, this passion is shared by all of TopCasino’s employees, like senior procrastinator James. “I just want to get paid, but it’s really terrifying,” he began before dozing off to sleep. “I know, it’s terrifyingly awesome,” I finished for him. This environment lets you contemplate how little you value your sanity. “It’s a money laundering campaign! There's no proof it isn't one!” James suddenly blurted. He’s dreaming. All that contemplation must have gone to his head. Repeat after me James, “There is no money laundering in TopCasino. The money laundering monster can’t hurt you.”

After all, there’s no way an innocent site like TopCasino could be used for nefarious purposes. They’re not trying to steal your bank information. They just need it to convert your money from USD to crypto to USD. They’re also not trying to lure you in with crypto references to mine crypto off your computer. In the wise words of their Ermine, “All those references to crypto shouldn’t be there.” So, they’re not malicious; they’re just a bit negligent. But aren’t we all? Don’t we all forget some things on a whim? 

And so, TopCasino is truly a completely functional and wonderful site for everyone, a great opportunity for extracurricular-hungry Tech students.

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