Tech Switches to One-Day Cycles

Ramon Li03/02/2022February 2022


Following their latest cycle day mix-up, Brooklyn Tech’s administration decided they’ve had enough! "No more scheduling mistakes. No more cycle day chaos. No more ten-day cycles," their hivemind agreed. Their new proposition: the creatively-named “one-day cycle.”

As the name might suggest, the principal will now spin a 10-foot wheel every morning, which will land on one of ten possible cycle days. In preparation for this wheel’s arrival, its designers have already rearranged (and thrown out) multiple desks, bookcases, and filing cabinets in the principal's office. This wheel's well-being takes precedence over such trivial items. At first glance, these changes may look quite drastic. Because they are. But, the administration has cited plenty of reasons to justify them, most notably:

  • It's an exciting source of anxiety in a place where anxiety has become mundane and predictable.
  • It promotes equality by rendering both students and teachers helpless to the wheel's whims.
  • The wheel is an amusing way to teach students Murphy’s Law. Some students are already experiencing this last point to its fullest: "I got DDP five days in a row. Please send help," one anonymous student told The Radish.

Luckily, the administration can help. For a small fee of $20, you can rig a cycle day to occur at the SGO store. Or, you could buy the silver pack for $45 to schedule three cycle days at once. Get the gold pack, and, for the low price of $80, you can get a shirt, too! Critics may call this an “immoral cash grab,” but it’s actually all incentive to buy an SGO sticker. You can get a 25% discount on all aforementioned purchases with a sticker! What more could one possibly want from this school’s administration?

At this rate, the one-day cycle will be one of the greatest changes of all time, entering the realm of overpriced gym locks and mandatory Brooklyn Tech uniforms. Perhaps it can aim even higher. Or lower. In the spirit of the one-day cycle, any of these are possible and all are desirable. All at the spin of a wheel.

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