Tired of wearing the same old stinky (and I mean stinky) sweats Monday through Friday? Wish to make yourself look stylish and chic in Chemistry as you cry whilst taking your midterm? Fancy forfeiting all mortal posse—uh, I mean “supporting your school”—fashionably and sustainably? If you do, as you really should, check out the new SGO Thrift Store, dedicated to making Brooklyn Tech the second-hand capital of New York’s specialized high schools!

ThrifTech, known affectionately to technites as the LaF (Lost And Found), is SGO’s latest plan to recover its financial losses from last year. The store (not to be confused with the actual SGO store) specializes in selling marvelously-curated outfits using neglected clothes retrieved from the school’s numerous lost and found boxes. Some may claim these items are being stolen from unsuspecting students (due to the SGO being a bunch of greedy little stinkers), but this is far from the truth. ThrifTech is simply giving unappreciated items a second chance by selling them at a low low price of 115% of their retail value! Although these outfits have practical purposes, they often feel like artistic statements that fittingly represent our wonderful technite culture. One such fit I deeply resonated with was the aptly-named “Foodie'' outfit from last month’s collection, consisting of a faded gym hoodie top with unknown sauce stains and a pair of “pizza”-scented sweatpants, whose pockets were filled with dirty napkins and spork wrappers.

Another outstanding ensemble was the curiously-titled “Teacher,” which consisted of a lab coat covered in mysterious, non-threatening black stains, a pair of pristine slacks belonging to a concerningly-forgetful sub, and a complimentary backpack filled with ungraded math tests.

For their quality and absurd style, these outfits are cheap, too. The “Tech Foodie” costs only $39.99 without tax, and with the end-of-term sale coming up, the deals will soon get even better.

In addition to selling clothes, ThrifTech occasionally auctions oddities that participating faculty have collected through annual “cleaning.” Auctions have sold everything from severely-dented water bottles to amputated SGO Teddy Bears used in rituals. Once, the store even held a special auction specifically for urine-tinted toilet lids collected between 1997 and 2018 from an assortment of boys’ restrooms.

This week, I won a bone from their Halloween auction purported to be from the Forensic Lab’s closet of actual human skeletons. I can’t confirm if that’s actually true, but, hey, as long as there’s crunch I’m happy to munch!

And, thanks to the popularity of ThrifTech, Tech’s thrifting community continues to expand. Tech’s official Thrifting Club is aimed to surpass 200 members by next month, and the SGO has announced plans for ThrifTech collaborations with school clubs and extracurriculars.

On that note, we here at the Radish are proud to announce our partnership with LaF! Although we can’t tell you what exactly is being sold, be on the lookout for your lost goods of the Radish and second-hand Radish merchandise, coming soon to ThrifTech; some of it might come directly from our retired executives! Till then, keep thrifting Tech, and please stop wearing those stinky hoodies. I can smell the stench through this paper.