As a self-proclaimed “writer” here at the Radish, it’s very often that I can't seem to figure out what to write. We here in the industry call this “Writer’s Block,” and millions suffer from it daily. Whether you’re a professional or a novice writer, here are some steps on how to overcome it.

1. Start writing whatever is on your mind

   An easy way to get started is to simply write what may come to mind! 

   Quick example:

   …

   Uh

   …

   You know when you walk into a room and forget why you did.

   Yeah.

   That's funny.

   …

2. Try writing blindfolded

   Writing is all in the hands, so why not trust them? By removing your sense of sight, you may open yourself to the lesser known 6th sense: Writing! If you’re typing, you might already know your keyboard by heart. If you’re handwriting, you can feel (or taste) the slightest difference in height from the paper to a pen’s ink.

   Here’s an example:

   Hello my bame is Bira bRimnerg, and I am writing frim the Radidh, brooklyn tech;s most pristime newsoaper. As you xan see, writ8ng with your eyes closed can leed ti very fuN OOPS I THINK I TURED OM CAPS LOCL.

   `Q

   1

   A

   SD /D`

   Ok I yhink I git it. 

   Now on ti the nezt steo!

3. Make up your own words

   We writers are constantly searching for the right words to express our thoughts. But we should not feel limited to the old dictionary. You owe Merriam-Webster nothing! When you’re lost for words, try making up your own.

   Let’s try it out:

   Did you know that the Radish is acleastivetie, writivent, and anizingly naxet? In 2021, the Radish monalled more than 2,000 fereburries, proving their reudbility and rasty skills. That’s totally cropteral!

4. Invent new letters

   On top of your new words, try expanding the alphabet! It doesn't matter what “sound” they make, that's up to the reader to decide. Not your problem!

   Try reading this:

   Ɣe h⍫re at the Raȡ§h be⅂iev⍫ in puƃlishing the mo§t intellig⍫nt and impactfu⅂ articleℲ for Ƃrooklyn Tech stud⍫ntℲ. I§nt that ꜿool! 

5. Take a page out of the “Infinite Monkey Theorem”

   The Infinite Monkey Theorem states that a monkey seated at a typewriter for an infinite amount of time, pressing keys at random will eventually write any pre-existing legible text, such as the entire works of Shakespeare! Everyone knows that humans are better than monkeys (in most categories), so we could do it better right? Not only can you rewrite pre-existing text (or “plagiarism” as some may call it), you can also make your own new stories.

   Try this:

   Vuge ywi  hurafjkndcw4og3awiulvuyaew ruleijawXBDHVG WEAWXFU KYtrfyghaw ejkwdvsvscb zeAsSqachlSK .JCS EWA8ARS HAELDQaa wajck Two households, both alike in dignity, In fair Verona, where we lay our scene, From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.

   Wow! That was so cool! 

   Wait what?

   What do you mean that’s just Romeo and Juliet?

   Are you serious?

   Crap.

6. Open your third eye

   Here we are at our last step, if the last five haven't helped, this one will for sure! In truth it's quite easy, just allow your soul to leave your physical form. Allow your hands to think for themselves, and your brain to search the deepest parts of your psyche. 

   Behold:

   Did you know that I was going to be there for a while I was just gonna go to get the park and then park on my street in the park and then go to the beach center and then go back home park on my way to the work and then park on the back of my driveway so you guys get a little bit more time on my side and park on your porch you can want me too I love it I don’t think you want me too I love it too much love it love miss love love it all day I hope you feels good love love it all good morning I don’t think you have a chance I just wanted you know that was the only one that you did I was like hope you have to sleep over this I just woke my baby and I’m gonna get a sleep now I’m sorry you are a mess and I’m gonna be doing better today I just wanted you to be a happy person but I’m gonna get you up here I’m not doing it all day today  love it  I hope you have to do something with you guys and I’m sorry you guys don’t want me to do it but you have no problem doing that you need me to get a good jobless person you have a lot more like you did not that much.

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WARNING: The Radish will not be held accountable for any souls that cannot re-enter their respective bodies, please partake in step 6 at your own risk.**