The clouds are constipated ;(

Ilana Rahim Braden10/21/2023






#From the field

What’s up with this weather, am I right? I personally find this to be an old and played-out thought, but when it becomes a burning question in my mind, and the minds of many of my peers, you have to wonder, what IS up? I find myself unable to resist asking, no matter how dry a conversation starter it may be. However the only dryness that truly matters, is the dryness of the skies. Considering how it’s been so cold and dry lately, I question how there is literally no variety in the day-to-day weather to be seen. Including in the field of precipitation.

Meteorologists can attribute this lack of rain we’ve been experiencing to a drought. But why do our special little rain clouds not produce water anymore? Have they not been staying hydrated? Has the cold front demotivated them? Do they not want to risk causing snow? Have they lost interest in the very task that brings them passion and purpose??? No, none of that, it’s far worse.

The clouds are constipated.

Now, I’m sure hearing these words fills your fragile and tender soul with a horrible feeling. You might even be feeling your heart drop all the way to your colon. How can a cloud be constipated? The clouds are dark and heavy with rain, entirely full, ready to bless our lands with hydration and precipitation. Butt as they strain, no matter what they want, the rain does not come out. In the next few days, we may feel a drizzle, but that does not mean that the battle is over. Our clouds have been backed up for days, possibly weeks, upon the release of this important article, so a drizzle is NOTHING compared to the bombardment of water in the queue.

Unfortunately, as mere mortals, there is nothing we can do to help our cherished clouds. However, we can look to our local meteorologist or weather prediction app to ALTER the chances of rain. That’s right, they can literally make it rain whenever they want. Perhaps an app cannot really “want” anything, but it can certainly be an annoying little nuisance, at its own discretion.

As for the selfishness of the meteorologists for allowing the clouds to go for so long without producing a water movement, there is nothing I can say to condone the passiveness they continuously demonstrate in the face of droughts, hurricanes, storms and tornadoes. My advice? Seek out a local news station and yell at the weather reporter to fix the clouds. Too often, they seem to forget that clouds can struggle too.

If you find yourself feeling constipated at the same time as the clouds do, scream as loud as you can to the heavens so that the clouds may hear your expression of solidarity during these painful times. It helps, and we’re so grateful you agreed to do this! Best of luck!

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