Arlo Neuwirth ∙ 08/02/2022 ∙ June 2022
Everybody wants something to do over the break, but traditional vacations can be so expensive. A week-long trip to Disney World alone can leave you in debt. That’s why the best way to vacation is a trip that leaves you with more money than you started with. One word, three syllables: piracy.
Piracy is the ideal vacation. Travel the beautiful blue seas and indulge in an abundance of gold and jewelry. While it may be illegal in almost all European, Asian, and African countries, the United States never actually wrote it into the law that piracy is illegal. This means that in any US-owned water, you can still pillage and murder for all the riches you could dream of. The US government CANNOT convict you for piracy! An added benefit of piracy is not having to shower for the whole summer. No one will be able to notice your body odor over the scent of your rotting fingernails from the inevitable scurvy. Additionally, SUNY schools actually accept piracy as summer internship credits, so you can impress them with 2 months worth of hard work while having fun the whole time! Now you may be thinking that this sounds like an ad, but let me tell you that you’re wrong. The Pirate Foundation of America does not exist, which is why this article is definitively not a paid ad, just a genuine recommendation for your wellbeing. So instead of blowing all your money on a trip to the beach, consider becoming a pirate this summer!