Phoenix Thorwall ∙ 12/23/2022
Not one student is unfamiliar with October 20th, the day of Brooklyn Tech’s infamous Club Fair Fiasco. Club execs were promised 2 hours to pull out all the stops and entice students, young and old, to join their afterschool program. However, due to an “unexpected turnout,” the event devolved into a 30-minute mosh pit of students unsuccessfully navigating the cafeteria and camping out in the elevators.Due to the student-wide sense of disappointment at the following postponement of the club fair, many students decided to partake in their own fair share of activism to speak out and come up with a solution–the most popular method being harassing other students via Instagram DMs.In the midst of this chaos, one brave soul decided to take a stand. Enter Sean Ashmu Lakes. Based on the little information our team could uncover, Sean Ashmu Lakes was a Junior in the LAS major who, more than likely, had no social life whatsoever seeing as he was able to organize an entire political campaign in less than a week.***His first wave of exposure came through a series of protests calling out school officials for their lack of coordination. Sean Ashmu Lakes bravely engages with the public using a witty poster with the tagline “Say YES To Saying SG-NO To The SGO” right in front of the SGO Store. We’re surprised we were even able to get such a close-up, it was almost like no one was paying attention at all!!!Sean Ashmu Lakes performs a hunger strike right out front of the Student Leadership classroom to raise awareness. However Sean applied for too many AP classes, so he wouldn’t have time for lunch anyway. ***We were fortunate enough to get a few words with this rising political figure. This is what he replied when asked for his opinion on the club fair, the event that started it all:“Yeah, I think the whole thing was just kind of silly. It’s like if the SGO store shut down at the beginning of the year because there was an ‘unprecedented’ number of students who just felt like spending 60 dollars on mandatory gym gear. I’m aiming to create a community where everyone is recognized and accounted for. “Hey, do you think I could put ‘overthrows principal and institutes dictatorship’ on my college apps? I think it would really set me apart from other Harvard applicants.”***After gaining enough traction, Sean decided to unveil his grand strategy for fixing the school.“It all goes back to the club fair. I think if there were some student-led organization that could help organize events and keep in touch with other kids, then things wouldn’t be so cluttered. I even have a name for it! The Tech Club Team, TCT for short. Sorry, I’m pretty excited I can’t think of the right words. I wrote up a mission statement that should clear things up a bit”Below you can find the mission statement for the TCT:“Tech-Club-Team, hereafter referred to as TCT, shall consist of representatives from every club approved by the SGO Executive Council and TCT Executive Officers as defined within Article I of this constitution. TCT shall be formed for the purpose of communicating information from the SGO to the clubs and teams, ensuring that the aforementioned clubs and teams are acting to their purpose and in accordance with school policies, and managing various logistical aspects of the extracurricular activities occurring within Brooklyn Technical High School.”TCT members would also be granted the following student benefits:Reclaiming access to their first amendment rights and being able to freely express their opinions about the school.1 day of paid leave per marking period.Bathroom breaks. (This privilege is only accessible to TCT executives).***Unfortunately, it seems none of these plans could ever come to fruition. On November 18th, a fire drill was timed perfectly to cloak a bloodcurdling scream that echoed throughout the halls of Tech.An anonymous source was able to provide us with evidence proving that it was in fact our very own Sean Ashmu Lakes facing the consequences of his actions.*A struggling Sean Ashmu Lakes getting dragged away by school staff.*When asked for their opinions on the kidnapping of a member of the student body, these passersby replied:“Who? That’s right WHO ASKED!”“I had an AP Lang presentation. I wasn’t really paying attention.”“That name sounds fake as hell. It’s probably just an anagram of the name of an actual student.”Coincidentally, the disappearance of Sean Ashmu Lakes timed perfectly with the announcement of Brooklyn Tech’s “Club Open House Week”. Similar to a “College Rush Week” students were able to walk in on club meetings and get an authentic first-hand experience before forming a decision. So stop by room 2N3 on Wednesdays and watch the creative minds of The Radish in action! It may be the only chance you get if the club gets shut down by this article.