Chickens Are the Wrong Size

Aramie Ewen05/27/2021May 2021





Where are chickens going? A chicken egg is a single chicken cell. Therefore a chicken cell is around 2 ounces. That’s pretty big. A chicken should have many cells, so why do we see no huge chickens everywhere? Just four cells would be one magnificent, sloshy cup worth of body matter.

Needing to see this for myself, I decided to ask what we normally call a chicken where its tiny chicken mother is. 

The chicken said nothing. Fascinating. I got absolutely nothing out of that chicken. Believe me, I tried. I yelled at that chicken, didn’t even get a squawk. A mysterious voice only told me, “Miss, you need to leave the elementary school gym supply room.” “Put down the rubber chicken” they chided me. What happened next was blurry, but I was taken to a small, cold room. 

Nothing. I heard nothing from that chicken. Maybe a little squeak, but was that a dream? I heard nothing. Nothing… could that be where the giant chickens are going? But where is nothing? Space. Space has some nothing. There must be space in space for at least one giant chicken to grow.

I blacked out, I saw stars. I wondered, have I joined the giant chickens? Looking down, I saw only my blurry, globular form.

That, in fact, is everything a chicken should be. Huge and looming, fuzzy and amorphous.

I awoke in the detention center with a ringing in my ears. No squawking, but I had heard the truth. They let me out and I saw the light of day. Then I saw a pigeon. A pigeon egg would be a pigeon cell, too… shouldn’t all animals be larger? At that moment I was truly, fully enlightened. Small Farma is lying to you. They want to sell smaller chickens; they can sell more chickens that way. Tinier chickens must be denser. They just want to get the little chicken into you.

And then there are chicken nuggets. What else would chicken nuggets be for? They are using big chickens, too. They’re using you. Don’t let them get you. Where are proper chickens going? They’re going into you. We are all becoming the chickens.

More Articles: Feast on these!

Top 10 best tasting sharpies

We all know Sharpies, the snack for your meeting room eating. Almost everybody has tried one of thes...

Timothy Ebegbe

All Articles!