December Calendar

Ethan Perkis11/28/2020November 2020


#Timeless news

Tuesday, December 1st: Holiday season begins! But we’ll never say which holiday. We’ll never tell; that is information too archaic and ancient for you. Thursday, December 3rd: Merry Knfeushear! This holiday is celebrated by the colonies of Lilliputians in the basement. They celebrate by pulling the most diabolical of pranks on the teachers! This holiday is definitely not contrived to prank your teachers. Not in the least. Sunday, December 6th: Fake Day. We pretend to be someone else, but eventually, everyone’s impostering is revealed by other imposters as we all call each other out. Wednesday, December 9th: Socialist Emotional Learning day. We learn about socialism and why the United States should adopt it, but doesn’t because we are oligarchical. We also learn how to empathize with people who support socialism. Friday, December 11th: The one-day Tech ballet. Join by entering the auditorium at exactly 3:33 a.m. the night before. You will leave at 3:33 a.m. the night of. No questions tolerated. Saturday, December 12th: Oreo Day. Oreos everywhere. And by everywhere, I mean everywhere. In your shoes, in the closets, and, if you’re lucky, in your mouth. If you’re unlucky, well, good luck on Cleanup Day. We will be overwhelmed with Oreos as they flood the streets. Thursday, December 17th: Oreo Cleanup Day. Five days after Oreo Day, tired of swimming through Oreos and in desperate need of nutrition, we clean up the floods of sugary cookies and creams. Sunday, December 20th: The Shape Soireé. Hosted in the first floor gym at 6 p.m. by the Geometry Committee of Brooklyn Tech. Be there or be a regular tetrahedron. Monday, December 21st: It’s my birthday, you silly little children. Wish me a happy birthday or risk a curse upon your family for generations to come. Thursday, December 25th: Merry Christmas to you all! I sincerely hope you don’t die from [REDACTED]. Saturday, December 26th: SGO hosts a late Christmas party to cut costs, as everything is from the dollar store clearance bin. Thursday, December 31st: The last day of the year. Better say your elder deity prayers extra hard; you don’t want this year to be your last! Fthewday, December 31st and a half: The secret half day of school that they made you forget about.

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