Fish Fails Precalc

Charlotte Rotlander04/01/2022April 2022



#Guest interview

Mass student outrage occurred this morning as it was revealed through an anonymous Instagram post that Tech's beloved Fish Fishington was a complete and utter fraud.

Fish gained fame amongst his peers through a series of inspirational videos posted by his Pre Calc teacher, with captions such as “never let being a fish stop you from acing your Pre Calc test” and “when you fail your Pre Calc test, maybe you’re a fish and jumping through hoops is more your thing. That’s okay.”

The comments, now turned off, were filled with people offering their love and admiration for Fish and his hoop-jumping skills and inspiring story:

LORRY: “I mean, a fish trying to do Pre Calc? Bless his heart for trying, but honestly, what was he expecting? He’s a fish! He can’t write!”

Not only was Fish not technically enrolled in BTHS, but theories abound that this iteration of Fish wasn’t even the first one, one comment thread explored: HANNAH: “He went from blue to green to pink. I mean I get body paint but that's weird, right? Nobody else seemed to think it was weird.”

RAWLF: “No, I didn’t think the body paint thing was weird. I did think it was kinda weird that he wore a hat and suit to school. A little formal for school, and I mean I can't even get away with wearing hats in school. What, because he's small he can get away with it? Is it even a he, aren't there like three of them?” HANNAH: “Honestly we’re not sure what number of fish we’re on.” RAWLF: “That’s so sad. Man. That’s awful.” In wake of this controversy, Mr. Lourn, the now-infamous Pre Calc teacher has released a statement to respond to the issue.

In his statement, Mr. Lourn did say how he tried to help Fishington. “I mean, ever since I started giving him hoops to jump through instead of tests to take, his grades have increased significantly.” He continues, "I mean, I did eventually realize Fishington was a fish. I'm not stupid. I'm not. Listen, lately my attention has been split between my work and home life; I mean I've really been putting myself out there with my fish tank decorating business. Wait right here I've got some in my car I'll be right back."

He has yet to come back.

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