Maxime Ennis ∙ 04/01/2022 ∙ April 2022
You ever have a burning hatred for someone, an absolute fire inside directed at one individual? Well, in my case, this individual is Gary. I HATE Gary. He farts a lot, he smells, and I HATE him. Ever since he came into my life, he’s been messing everything up. Some people say that he’s trying to be a good person but I disagree. I can tell he has some malicious intentions deep inside that dull head of his. Ever since my friends have known Gary they’ve liked him more. It was instant. And they’ve been wanting to spend more time with him than ME. What's wrong with ME? I’m great. Gary isn’t great: Gary SUCKS. I don’t get why he’s better-liked. He’s stupid. You know sometimes I think the only one who wants to spend time with me IS Gary. He keeps me up ALLLLLLL night. I hate him and his stupid face. Did you know he has a really stupid face? It’s all blank and lifeless. It’s like he has no thoughts in that dumb brain of his. You know, *I* have thoughts. *I* am not blank and lifeless. And *I* don’t have a dumb stupid little smile that can make tears come out of someone else’s eyes. You know what else is wrong about Gary? He SMELLS. He smells BAD. Like he pooped his pants or something. Every time he walks by I get a whiff of the 9-year-expired barbecue sauce I found in my grandpa’s fridge last summer. How did that even get in there? How long does it take for barbecue sauce to expire? Why does Gary smell so much like barbecue sauce?Another thing about Gary is that he only eats three foods—and none of them are good. He eats like really mushy peas. Like he gets a bowl of deliciously fresh peas from the microwave, and they just get mushed into oblivion. Like what the HELL is up with that? Terrible horrible terrible. He sucks. I hate him. Eat some normal food for once. Like barbecue sauce. The WORST part about Gary’s dumb stupid dumb existence, though, is that he cannot do ANYTHING for himself. He can’t make himself food, he can’t do homework without slobbering all over it, and WORST OF ALL, he can’t even dress himself. Like, what the hell? I mean I’ve seen terrible fashion but come on man. Put on some goddamn pants for yourself.Overall I just HATE Gary. He’s STUPID, he’s UGLY, he SMELLS, and worst of all he’s a useless DUNCE. Anyway I’m starting to rethink asking my parents for a baby brother and I DEFINITELY regret asking them to name him Gary. What a stupid name, right?