“Nothing but a capitalist advertising campaign could possibly stay in the sky that long,” I thought to myself one day, staring at the moon in a non-creepy way.

Seriously, only some insane capitalist venture could stay relevant this long. The moon has been a popular symbol among the sky-enthused for centuries, and, undoubtedly, the moon has used its gravity during that time. But how does the moon use that influence? To sell.

Of course, on its own, the moon’s prevalence is fine. Advertisements become pop sensations all the time. I have no problem with capitalism. How could I?    


That face though. Just look at that face: the prime image of a human. Looking at the moon’s face and saying you aren’t being sold something is impossible. The moon sits there, looking down at us. Looking at the moon for long enough, you’ll see the marketing genius: the moon is trying to sell us that lovely face. Looking at the moon, beauty standards suddenly make sense.

Ever since the start of the moon, people have been expected to have perfectly spherical, grey faces. We are told we should have nice, grey, circular faces with eyes sunken so deep you can’t see. We are expected to keep our heads shaven and our faces round. The moon’s image is presented as the only way to be attractive.

The moon set the expectation that we keep our faces in an eternal “smolder,” or some other mildly disgusted face, like the one it has. But the only thing I’m disgusted at here? The unrealistic expectations. And, honestly, I’ll say it: smooth, globular, dusty heads aren’t for me. 

Yet that face advertisement stays in the sky. Sure, there was that one race to try taking down the moon in 1969, but “scientists” just poked the thing. There have been no real actions.

What a shame! Ending this horrible symbol’s reign would be easy. All we have to do is remove the little string holding the moon to that blue stuff. Since the moon is so tiny, someone could just pocket it and the symbol would be gone. And, while scientists tend to disagree with that, they stare at the moon in a creepy way. Can you really trust them?

I mean, look how easy this could be:


So why not take down the moon? The advertising campaign has run a full course; everyone has a face—even if none could be as round, as ethereal, as powdery as the moon’s. The moon only serves to taunt us. The advertising has gone too far.