Mysterious Grammarly Autocorrections

Maxime Ennis04/08/2021March 2021

#Timeless news

Grammarly autocorrected Carol Branchirem’s first name to “cheating lying hussy” while she was typing up a letter for her grandkids last Tuesday. Mrs. Branchirem didn’t notice and ended up sending the letter to her grandchildren, who are too young to understand what lying and cheating means. However, Mrs. Branchirem’s daughter noticed and let a writer here at The Radish know. After investigating, we found out that the CEO of Grammarly, Peter Dingbiscuit, was cheated on by his wife. Her name happened to be Carol. We spoke to an ex-programmer for Grammarly about this autocorrect situation. She revealed that typing the name “Carol” will correct you to Dingbisuit’s description of his soon-to-be ex-wife—explaining Mrs. Branchirem’s signoff last Tuesday. According to our anonymous outside source, Peter Dingbiscuit had a record of being extremely petty. He often throws tantrums when things don’t go his way and always thinks of the most obscene ways to get revenge on people. Because he consistently gets swept up in “super secret scary elaborate schemes,” it wasn’t surprising that his wife would have an affair. This incident wasn’t the first time Dingbiscuit programmed a word to autocorrect into something seemingly unrelated. In fact, this has happened so frequently that we compiled a short list for you all:

  • Fred Blobsmear → I hate you so much if you have this name.
  • Leather Pants → The worst pants ever.
  • August 17th → The day that person was pushed out of a woman.
  • Horrible mistake → FRED.
  • Notorious Rock Kuqwix Dwerryhouse → *************************************! We had to censor the last autocorrection. It wasn’t suitable for anyone younger than thirty-two. According to Dingbiscuit’s wif- our anonymous outside source, we learned that Notorious Rock Kuqwix Dwerryhouse is the man Dingbiscuit’s wife had an affair with. After this situation came to light, Dingbiscuit resigned as the CEO of Grammarly. He has been hiding in his parents’ attic ever since. Now, people all over the world know not to ever cross Mr. Peter Dingbiscuit. Thank you for reading. Make sure to always proofread whatever you write; you don’t want to accidentally make a FRED.

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