New Dimension Found on Ninth Floor

Caylie Pacho02/01/2020February 2020

#Timeless news

One of the many courses offered here at BTHS is orchestra, which can be found on the ninth floor. Unfortunately, this floor can only be accessed from the west side elevators, as there are no other sides to it. Freshman student Willimina Williams tried to use an east side staircase on her first day of class, but instead of finding violins, she found a portal to the twelfth dimension. "It was my first day of school," says Billy Bill, "and I really wanted to join the orchestra as a subcontrabassist." Billy knew next to nothing about the school's programs, so she initially believed this portal to be standard. She was later told that portals are an uncommon occurrence for orchestra and are much more customary for chorus. Even chorus alumnus Charbus Evans said, “We rarely see portals beyond the ninth dimension... eleven was actually our old record." She carried her 0.0669643 imperial ton instrument up to the ninth floor, but, to her dismay, did not find her classroom. Instead, she found a corridor containing what looked to be a "really weird floating Windows XP logo." This rift was apparently the entrance to a new world. In this world, Billiards reports having seen a host of strange things. Oddly, in this weird dimension, the Survey was more well-liked than the obviously superior newspaper, The Radish. Williams, unfortunately, went back through the portal and used the appropriate stairwell to get to class. Since then, the school has prevented any other students from reaching the ninth floor this way by ripping out that side of the building and replacing it with scaffolding. The Radish is currently trying to get an agent up to the portal's corridor, now colloquially known as “Toby," or "Tobiathan" for the fancy.

More Articles: Feast on these!

Big Child has convinced you that it's wrong to hate children

They’re at it again. A very sinister force is overtaking this great nation, and most are unaware of ...

Domenic DiPietro

All Articles!