Charlotte Rotlander, Matthieu De Robles ∙ 01/07/2021 ∙ December 2020
The himbo: A longstanding trope on the high school scene. They eat, they sleep, and they tie their shoes one toe at a time. But, despite everyone’s familiarity with a himbo, how much do people really know about them? Welcome to our himbo case study. We began with an investigation. We looked around New York City to study himbos. We examined their glistening muscles, chiseled faces, and complete obliviousness that we were in a bush, ten feet away from them.
Our investigation started with a himbo petting a golden retriever. Thanks to our psychology degrees, we were able to deduce that this himbo was empathizing and connecting with the dog—heavily connecting. They seemed to share the same soul.
The second himbo we investigated was trying to ask the dog what it wanted for lunch, but to no avail.
The last himbo was with a child. It seemed that the child was performing a simple “coin behind the ear” trick on the himbo. The himbo was rushed to the hospital after; they went insane from seeing the trick. We then went farther into an urban environment to study himbos. We found one at a glasses store. Rather than selecting glasses at the store, he punched a window, shattered it, took two pieces of glass, and then walked out, screaming, “I have new glasses!” It was strange to say the least.
At this point, we thought we had all the evidence to present our case study. But we forgot something: the himbo in our midst. For the second part of our study, Radish writers Science Scientifically and Smart VeryGood interviewed Radish Vice President, John Lesley, to figure out more about these remarkable people. SCIENTIFICALLY: So, here in the Radish, you’re basically our very own himbo. What are your thoughts on your label? LESLEY: Woah, is that a tie? That’s cool! You’re wearing a tie! My dad said fancy people wear ties. VERYGOOD: Well, uhm, alright. John, do— LESLEY: No. I don’t pee. Next question. VERYGOOD: That wasn’t the questi— LESLEY: I’m pretty hungry. You know, this one time I wanted to toast bread, so I could eat that cool “toast and butter” thing I always see people eating in the movies, but I burned the kitchen down. I think I looked pretty cool in the fire, though! [Flexes and kisses his muscles.] SCIENTIFICALLY: Anyway, where do you sleep?
LESLEY: My mom said I get a room of my own when I learn how to open doors, but with some string and a lever I think I will! It’s psychics! VERYGOOD: Do you think you would be a good parent if you were to have a child? LESLEY: Speaking of kids, this one time a baby was crying, so I tried to find its volume button. It got louder when I hit an ear, so I tried hitting the other ear. Then the mom made me sad. She yelled at me. Then the baby started mocking me with little baby noises, which just made it all worse. Long story short, I’m due to appear in court this Thursday. VERYGOOD: A-are you crying? Why are your eyes watery? LESLEY: I’m really afraid to blink. Whenever I blink, I become blind for a little. What if I blink one day and never see again? SCIENTIFICALLY: You won’t go bli— LESLEY: Is that a squirrel? I wanna pet it! With that, we conclude our himbo study. The himbo is a strange mystery the world seems unready to unravel. However, we hope that, someday, the world will be willing to accept them like a himbo to a squirrel.