Trump Privatizes the US Government

George Lee06/30/2020Quarantine Issue Two


This Monday, in a move finally legitimizing decades of corporate rule under lax restrictions on lobbyists, President Trump announced that he would be fully transitioning the U.S. government into a private enterprise and placing himself in the position of CEO. When interviewed by reporters about his position, he stated, “I am a very, very smart genius and will be making tremendous changes in our Democrat-ridden government. It's going to be HUGE!” As part of his plan Trump will be introducing Trump Dollars, a currency earned by joining the Republican party and making donations at least five times a week to at least one president-approved political action committee. In addition, he has limited voting rights only to individuals who pay for the new “Trump Voting Rights Package”, a subscription which costs $44.99 a month, with the Bill of Rights being another optional subscription at $49.99 a month. At a rally on Tuesday, he announced, “If you want me to build that wall and help make America great again, you can help me by making Democrats & the liberal media pay for it. They are lying, stealing, crooks. LOCK THEM UP!” It was met with applause from the crowd and praise from Mark Zuckerberg, the newly appointed overlord of the Media. “I am bringing a new golden age to this country, believe me. But the Democrats don’t want you to get new jobs. VOTE in 2020 and we can make America great again.”

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